Adding to the theme of my last blog where I talked about being authentic to who we are (we are our own greatest asset), I wanted to write about one of my personal pivotal needs (PPN) which links directly to my definite major purpose (DMP) in life and why I think they are connected. I’ll come onto this in a mo…
Why do I have a pivotal need?
What is it?
Why does it matter anyway?
One of my PPN’s is to leave a LEGACY.
This post and the subject of this post, takes me back to as far as I can remember.
The words in this video speak volumes for me
At a very young age, I remember asking my mother questions like “what happens when we die”, “when are we going to die” “where did I come from” (and I’m sure all parents are tested by this one!), and the ‘biggies’, “what should I do with my life and what can I be when I grow up?” I was always asking open questions…..
As Rudyward Kipling once said;
“I kept six honest serving men, they taught me all I knew, their names were What and Why and When and How and Where and Who“
Luckily for me my parents told me “I could be anything I wanted to be”. I can also remember my mother (who was a beautiful caring and talented nurse) giving me a very ‘biology textbook’ answer to the “where did I come from” question. I was super impressed and accepted it, so I didn’t have to ask that one again.
As for some of my other ‘deep’ questions, like “what happens when we die, or what am I supposed to be, or what am I good at”…. I remember being very skeptical and realised I was quite rebellious with some answers I got, thinking I need to find this out for myself.
Unlucky for me, I remember some of my teachers telling me I couldn’t or wouldn’t be good enough for some types of jobs.
I can remember spending so many days with my mother before starting first school, (and probably driving her nuts) with my insessant talking and asking questions, always asking questions, always curious about the world around me. I can remember asking my father questions too and him saying “why do you always ask why?” – you can imagine his response when I answered “why shouldn’t I ask why?”…….
When we’re born, we are born without limitations, without the fear of being judged, without fear of making mistakes and we were happy, born risk-takers.
We once thought we could do, be or have anything (which of course differs from person to person), but for many of us we thought we could be anything from astronaughts, dancers, artists, singers, musicians, doctors, drummers, or whatever our ‘thing’ was.
Then somewhere along the way, people, culture, education, media, our society – they all seem to play their part doing an incredibly great job at knocking the stuffing out of our dreams, rarely helping us to invest in our talents and giving us all the reasons why we can’t have, be or do something or why we aren’t good enough……
For me, I have always felt something deep down inside of me that I wanted to make a difference in the world and there just had to be a reason why I was meant to be here……. I have never been able to accept that my life doesn’t have a purpose to it. So….. on I continued with this little nagging question regularly popping up, prodding me to question what I was doing, why was I doing it and when am I going to do what I really wanted to do?
When I ask some people what their purpose is in life, it often leaves many people perplexed, bewildered, baffled, or simply, they shrug their shoulders as if it’s too ‘deep’ of a question, or too ‘difficult’ to answer.
In reality, it IS a difficult question to answer. For me, personally, I believe that we all have a life purpose and I’ve come to realise that some people simply can’t go through life without FINDING the answer to this question, whilst others are really CONTENT to get on with their lives and deal with whatever life throws at them, drifting from one thing to another without any direct course, plan, purpose or mission.
I have always valued freedom and felt I had a purpose and from being a very young girl, I remember being very free-spirited in nature, breaking rules I thought were silly, inventing new ones, going against the ‘norm’ on more than one occasion and yearning for my own business, so I started a few. I was a born risk-taker, always talking risks and I was always an entrepreneur at heart and these yearnings were in me from day one.
I used to think that I was somehow weird why I was so obsessed to want to know the answers to some very seemingly weird questions, which not many of my friends and family were asking……..but I simply couldn’t help asking them or trying to find the answers. It has always been like that for me. I ask questions and I question everything.
Curiosity is in my DNA.
When I finally realised and accepted that this is me and this is part of my unique set of talents, my natural recurring patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving that has have never existed in anyone else before me, doesn’t exist in anyone else today and will never exist in anyone else in the future, it gave me huge comfort to know that we are all therefore ‘weird and wired’ in our own unique and different ways, but that this makes us all ‘wired and weird’ differently together, so suddenly, we are not the same after all………but we are all in this together, we are all different……..YAY! we are different and we are together……. Such a relief when that light bulb went on.
We can stand out without sticking out and weird is OK because everyone is weird.
Since most people like to ‘fit in’ ……this……. ‘fitting in’ ……..is NEVER going to happen is it?……… because we are all wired and weird to be different, so stop trying to fit in – let yourself be who you are meant to be.
Everyone can now give themselves permission to embrace weirdness and embrace who they really are.
Great to know that it’s OK to be weird because everyone else is weired too. If you can come up with an alternative explanation, then I will be happy to listen to your view and of course you will have a view because your natural ways of thinking are different to mine……
So Legacy…….. why then do I want to leave a legacy?
I know without doubt that my definite major purpose in life is to bring out the best in myself and to lead a movement where people are helping people. I know I was put on this earth to help myself, take full responsibility for myself and to help others to do the same.
Even before becoming a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, I remember when I first starting working in the field of personal developement and talent management many years ago, I found that in the process of developing others, I was actually able to develop myself, so in helping to bring out the talents, skills and strengths in others, I was actually helping myself too, to be the person I was always meant to be.
I realised that the more I studied human psychology, the power of the mind and human behaviour, the more I started to discover about myself and the more I started to learn about me, the more I learned about others.
In fact, ironically, even though we are all different, we are in fact all the same in what we want, which is ultimately to have love and to be happy. I know we want other things too, but these are quite high on the importance list for most, if not everyone I know, whatever meaning you attach to these words. You see….. happiness for one means something different to another (there’s that lens again).
In previous roles and through other qualifications I have acquired along my ‘learning’ journey…….learning about talents and what makes people tick absolutely fascinates me. When I first discovered and unlocked my own unique blend of talents, at first I was bewildered with my highest talent of ‘Learner’. I rebelled and thought……… “that’s not me, I’m not the type that wants to learn”.
Anyone reading this blog, of course would quickly disagree, but in truth, it was one of my ‘blind spots’ – I attached a ‘meaning’ to the word…… ‘learner’ ……. and since words are our greatest form of architecture, we can all attach meanings to words that differ from one person to another, because we are all weird and wired with our own uniqe set of filters and lenses of the world.
It wasn’t until a coach helped me unlock the meaning that I had attached to the word ‘learner’ that I discovered how ‘learning’ in my world is more about being curious around the subject I am learning about and interested or passionate in and not simply in the academic sense. I discovered that my ‘learner’ is probably THE MAIN driving force behind finding and unlocking my WHY.
What I discovered, was that this tiny word ‘WHY’ has actually played such a huge and significant part of my life, thoughout my entire life (and the plague of many a person, parent, teacher, friend, family I guess 🙂 ) but that it actually has led me to my life purpose and why I am doing what I do.
When you are using your natural gifts and talents and putting them to use, you find you are really in a FLOW. You feel fulfilled and you wake up every day wanting to have more. Every day is a great day and it really doesn’t feel like work at all.
So, when I left the corporate world, I was already running a coaching and business consultancy, and I decided to give myself permission to continue doing what I loved and the results just keep improving every day.
When people used to say to me…..”when are you going to get a proper job”….. I realise now that they are simply displaying and advertising their own ignorance of how we are all wired differently and probably fall into that second set of people who want to do what everyone else is doing……accepting ‘sameness’, ‘doing what the majority are doing’ ……… yet……. probably not asking themselves one very tiny question to help themselves to uncover a whole lot more.
‘Why’ can often get an ‘excuse-type’ response, such as “why don’t you exercise?” could reply with “because I don’t have time”. Further layers, when peeled back will discover that there is a WHY behind the WHY.
My Legacy is to help people to find their WHY. This is how I propose to do it……