Week 18 – The happiness advantage – Serotonin and the Dopamines

These two kids on the block are responsible for all the happiness you could ever wish for….. they are FREE and can be produced ON DEMAND……..but how can we get on the tour bus with them?

Before I begin……..I’d love for you to pause for just one moment and take a journey back in time to the day you were born (imagine that day) as if you were back there right now.  You came into this world as a fearless risk-taker, naked and without limitations, full of curiosity. You are your greatest asset, a unique, rare and valuable individual.  No-one has ever been like you, no-one is like you today and there is no-one who will ever be like you in the future.

Use the strengths you were born with to help you to increase your happiness levels.

It’s a scientific FACT that people who are happy perform better in:

• Business
• Career
• Relationships
• Acquaintances
• Health
• Social groups
• Friendships
• Better secure jobs
• Keeping your job
• Superior productivity
• More resilient
• Less burned out
• Less turnover of staff
• Greater sales

In everything……..

It’s not so easy to find happiness though and it’s certainly not going to come from the world without.

Happiness always comes from the world within.

It’s an inside job.
The natural law of cause and effect (every cause has it’s effect; every effect, has it’s cause and there is no such thing as chance) and the law of polarity (everything has it’s opposite, i.e. there is no happiness without sadness, good without bad etc).

The FIVE things that can create happiness within are:

• Gratitude  ( Giving and writing down 3 things every day that you are grateful for.  After just 21 days, your brain will be re-wired to scan the world and look for positives as opposed to negatives)
• Random acts of Kindness ( Observe kindness in others, be kind to others and adopt a kindness attitude.  Again, after 21 days, your brain will be re-wired to kind thoughts and kind deeds.  It opens an ‘in-box’ to praising others so we can reverse the negative formula)  Kindness ignites dopamine in our brain and makes us feel happy.
• Exercise ( This teaches the brain that your behaviour matters and your body will thank you for it )
•  Meditation ( Daily switichg off from the outside world, if even for 15 minutes a day, allows the brain to get over the cultural ADHD that we’ve been creating to try to do multiple tasks at once.  Meditation allows us to focus on the most important task in hand )
• Journaling ( Every day, writing down and re-living one positive moment or experience.  By writing it down, it allows your brain to re-live the experience over again and strengthens new neurological pathways in the brain until they become the ‘norm’ )

These daily routines will give you a natural form of medicine which is automatically produced in our bodies – DOPAMINE – a chemical which the body produces when in a positive mood and it literally floods into the body, turning on all the LEARNING centres in your brain, allowing you to adapt to the world in a different way.

These small changes have a large ripple effect outwards in your life creating lasting positive change.

They are effective ways you can train your brain to become more positive.  There is scientific evidence to show that you can be 37% more effective when you are happy and positive.  Life in general is just much better when we are happy.

Most people think in reverse and think of happiness coming from the world without…..(the world outside of you)

What do I mean?

I mean, you think, you’ll be happy when…..

• I get my debt paid off
• I get that promotion
• When I lose weight
• When I get a better relationship
• When I move house
• Once I have a holiday
• When I have more money

All these things will NEVER bring you happiness.  Here’s how….

If happiness always comes BEYOND success, then once you acquire these things, you might feel successful, temporarily, I support that, but soon you will realise that you’re still not really happy, so your success goal posts keep moving, you’re always looking for the next thing to achieve, to be, to do or to have……. and hoping that this might make you happy….. so you seek:

• the promotion
• the bigger home
• the bigger car
• the new relationship
• more money

Moving the goal posts have ZERO effect on achieving happiness.

Here, we see Freud’s theory of our personalities.  When we seek these ‘things’, we are simply letting our EGO call the shots and we actually live in a sort of FEAR because we believe that we will only have power and control and be happy when we have these things and without them, we’re a no-body, we’ve failed, we aren’t worthy, not good enough…….  they are all fear-based.

These ‘things’ don’t give us power at all.

These ‘things’ lie in the world without and they are in fact confirmations…. of …..YOUR…… POWER.

What do I mean?

I mean…..this power – it’s in us all – we all have within us unlimited reservoirs of untapped potential… and this power comes from the power of THOUGHT.  The ability we have to make CHOICES.  We can decide with our conscious mind which thoughts to allow to pass through to the subconscious mind.  Thouughts become ‘things’ and thoughts become the outcomes and results in our lives.

Think negative thoughts, attract negative outcomes and results into your life.

The law of substitiution means you have the power to decide which thoughts you’re going to entertain and it’s this power of thought that will let you create the conditions that you need (virtually on demand) and effortlessly, once you understand that ‘getting there’, ‘acquiring this or having that’, or ‘achievements’ are NOT your POWER.

Think about it………..anything and everthing that exists in our lives today….. starts with and created from the power of someone’s thought, to create new realities and results that we enjoy in our lives today….  we have light, flight, telephony, cars, homes, buildings, parks, food………everything…… starts with a thought.

The idea that other people can affect us in accomplishing our goals and achieving success is a huge mis-conception.  So, for example, you decide to follow your passion, your dream or set out to achieve something big, and it might not work out quite the way you wanted it to, so you might say; “It was his or her fault”, or “he made me do it”, or “they didn’t help me enough” and worse of all, you give up because you don’t like the feeling of being a failure, you aren’t prepared to face humiliation, rejection, judgement, and the negative outcomes that associate with your negative self-talk…….”I’m not good enough”…………………. all these thoughts mean even though you took action, you weren’t doing it for yourself, you were doing it …….to seek approval…….. and when it didn’t work……you live in FEAR and become ‘controlling’ – you look to blame someone or to give a reason why it didn’t work…..

You are letting your head talk and letting your EGO call the shots.

All CONTROL issues are usually always, fear-based.

Our brains perform better when we think more positively – it’s scientifically proven.

THE GOOD NEWS…….you can definitely reverse the formula when you become positive in the PRESENT – instead of waiting for something to happen in the future….BEFORE….you feel happy.

Stop listening to your ‘head voice’ and start listening to your ‘heart voice’ 

This TED talk by Shawn Anchor – the Happy secret to better work is a talk based on positive pshychology and helps to give more insight, appreciation and understanding to illustrate all the above and how we create our own realities.

Let’s escape the ‘AVERAGE’ trap that we’ve been conditioned to believe is acceptable – it’s been deceiving you all these years – creating OLD conditioning, OLD formula’s and OLD blueprints, created by you, and which you have been living your life by.

Instead, create new blueprints for positive, lasting change and create a real revolution and the ahppiness you deserve.

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Week 17 – A Perfect Day

I remember watching the film – About time – which talks about the idea that if you had all the CHOICES in the world, how would you spend your time?  What kind of a day would you have?

Here’s a clip

The concept of the film was that the men in the family could travel back in time – how cool would that be?  To travel back and to do things you would do differently if you had the chance?    

I looked at the feedback on one of the film reviews which sums my thoughts up precicely.

Someone said that “it must’ve been a real gamble to pitch this kind of idea and that the actors did a great job taking us through a full spectrum of emotions without overly emphasizing them”

And continued “For instance, laughing much more than when watching a typical sugar coated comedy-film and especially loving that the humor wasn’t so “in your face” but instead was, so ‘visible’ between the lines. About Time was also sad which is of course a crucial part of life unfortunately but mainly it had a feeling of contentment that then radiated in me. The movie, ironically, was the best depiction of everyday life I can remember. It was a real pleasure to see the subtleties in it, if you will.  Might you end up just spending it exactly the way you are already, through choice rather through trudge and necessity?”

I loved the thought of writing this week abour the joy of ‘normality’ and the joy that is everywhere if we take off the filter we are currently looking through the world and see what else there is – the ‘subtleties’ that are everywhere….

Could we be trapped in a career we hate, a relationship we hate, an environment or home we hate, a body we hate?  Are the results we are getting the results we really want?

Do we live in the moment and enjoy what is NOW, what is normal and experience the beauty that is all around us or do we trudge on doing the same things without even realising that we are missing a whole new experience, a whole new perspective, a whole new filter of the world and one that is right before our eyes?

Our perfect day can be made up of a perfect second, a perfect minute, a perfect hour, a perfect 24 hours if we CHOOSE it to be a perfect day.

Very often the majority of people in the world today, carry mis-guided perceptions that challenges, obstacles, set-backs, breakdowns, problems….. that they all seem so unfair, cruel, imperfect, bad…………because, as they see it through their own filters, they are often the things that carry with it, disappointment, misery, regret, remorse, guilt, hopelessness, grief, saddness…………YET………there is always another way to look at everything, because the law of polarity (one of the 7 laws of the mind) states, everything in the universe has it’s opposite.  Think about it…….there would be no inside to a room without an outside.  No up if no down.  No right, if no left.  No front if no back.  How would you know a good pay cheque from a bad pay cheque. There is a top to this blog and a bottom to the blog.

Every up has a down and every down has an up.

The law of polarity not only states that EVERYTHING has an opposite…..it is equal and opposite.  If it was 3 feet from the floor up to the table, it woudl be 3 feet from the table down to the floor.  If 150 miles from Manchester to London, by law, it must be 150 miles from London to Manchester.  It couldn’t be any other way.

If something you considered bad, happens in your life, there has to be something good about it too.

If it was only a little bad, when you mentally work your way around to the other side, you will find it will only be a little good.

Constantly look for the good in people’s situations.  People love compliments and a positive idea in your mind makes you feel good.

Remember a good idea = positive thoughts, good vibrations and positive outcomes.

A bad idea = negative thoughts, bad vibrations and bad outcomes.

My ‘connectedness’ is my number 2 strength and I am constantly connecting to the good as it never lets me down.

Look for what’s good about you instead of focussing on whats bad, because what we focus on, we attract.

What we sow, we reap.

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Week 16 – Leaving a Legacy

Adding to the theme of my last blog where I talked about being authentic to who we are (we are our own greatest asset), I wanted to write about one of my personal pivotal needs (PPN) which links directly to my definite major purpose (DMP) in life and why I think they are connected.  I’ll come onto this in a mo…

Why do I have a pivotal need?  

What is it?  

Why does it matter anyway?

One of my PPN’s is to leave a LEGACY.

This post and the subject of this post, takes me back to as far as I can remember.

The words in this video speak volumes for me

At a very young age, I remember asking my mother questions like “what happens when we die”, “when are we going to die”  “where did I come from” (and I’m sure all parents are tested by this one!), and the ‘biggies’, “what should I do with my life and what can I be when I grow up?”  I was always asking open questions…..

As Rudyward Kipling once said;

“I kept six honest serving men, they taught me all I knew, their names were What and Why and When and How and Where and Who“

Luckily for me my parents told me “I could be anything I wanted to be”.  I can also remember my mother (who was a beautiful caring and talented nurse) giving me a very ‘biology textbook’ answer to the “where did I come from” question.   I was super impressed and accepted it, so I didn’t have to ask that one again.

As for some of my other ‘deep’ questions, like “what happens when we die, or what am I supposed to be, or what am I good at”….  I remember being very skeptical and realised I was quite rebellious with some answers I got, thinking I need to find this out for myself.

Unlucky for me, I remember some of my teachers telling me I couldn’t or wouldn’t be good enough for some types of jobs.

I can remember spending so many days with my mother before starting first school, (and probably driving her nuts) with my insessant talking and asking questions, always asking questions, always curious about the world around me.  I can remember asking my father questions too and him saying “why do you always ask why?” – you can imagine his response when I answered “why shouldn’t I ask why?”…….

When we’re born, we are born without limitations, without the fear of being judged, without fear of making mistakes and we were happy, born risk-takers.

What happens?

We once thought we could do, be or have anything (which of course differs from person to person), but for many of us we thought we could be anything from astronaughts, dancers, artists, singers, musicians, doctors, drummers, or whatever our ‘thing’ was.

Then somewhere along the way, people, culture, education, media, our society – they all seem to play their part doing an incredibly great job at knocking the stuffing out of our dreams, rarely helping us to invest in our talents and giving us all the reasons why we can’t have, be or do something or why we aren’t good enough……

For me, I have always felt something deep down inside of me that I wanted to make a difference in the world and there just had to be a reason why I was meant to be here……. I have never been able to accept that my life doesn’t have a purpose to it.  So….. on I continued with this little nagging question regularly popping up, prodding me to question what I was doing, why was I doing it and when am I going to do what I really wanted to do?

When I ask some people what their purpose is in life, it often leaves many people perplexed, bewildered, baffled, or simply, they shrug their shoulders as if it’s too ‘deep’ of a question, or too ‘difficult’ to answer.

In reality, it IS a difficult question to answer.  For me, personally, I believe that we all have a life purpose and I’ve come to realise that some people simply can’t go through life without FINDING the answer to this question, whilst others are really CONTENT to get on with their lives and deal with whatever life throws at them, drifting from one thing to another without any direct course, plan, purpose or mission.

I have always valued freedom and felt I had a purpose and from being a very young girl, I remember being very free-spirited in nature, breaking rules I thought were silly, inventing new ones, going against the ‘norm’ on more than one occasion and yearning for my own business, so I started a few.  I was a born risk-taker, always talking risks and I was always an entrepreneur at heart and these yearnings were in me from day one.

I used to think that I was somehow weird why I was so obsessed to want to know the answers to some very seemingly weird questions, which not many of my friends and family were asking……..but I simply couldn’t help asking them or trying to find the answers.  It has always been like that for me.  I ask questions and I question everything.

Curiosity is in my DNA.

When I finally realised and accepted that this is me and this is part of my unique set of talents, my natural recurring patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving that has have never existed in anyone else before me, doesn’t exist in anyone else today and will never exist in anyone else in the future, it gave me huge comfort to know that we are all therefore ‘weird and wired’ in our own unique and different ways, but that this makes us all ‘wired and weird’ differently together, so suddenly, we are not the same after all………but we are all in this together, we are all different……..YAY!  we are different and we are together…….  Such a relief when that light bulb went on.

We can stand out without sticking out and weird is OK because everyone is weird.

Since most people like to ‘fit in’ ……this……. ‘fitting in’ ……..is NEVER going to happen is it?……… because we are all wired and weird to be different, so stop trying to fit in – let yourself be who you are meant to be.

Everyone can now give themselves permission to embrace weirdness and embrace who they really are.

Great to know that it’s OK to be weird because everyone else is weired too.  If you can come up with an alternative explanation, then I will be happy to listen to your view and of course you will have a view because your natural ways of thinking are different to mine……

So Legacy…….. why then do I want to leave a legacy?

I know without doubt that my definite major purpose in life is to bring out the best in myself and to lead a movement where people are helping people.  I know I was put on this earth to help myself, take full responsibility for myself and to help others to do the same.

Even before becoming a Gallup certified Strengths Coach, I remember when I first starting working in the field of personal developement and talent management many years ago, I found that in the process of developing others, I was actually able to develop myself, so in helping to bring out the talents, skills and strengths in others, I was actually helping myself too, to be the person I was always meant to be.

I realised that the more I studied human psychology, the power of the mind and human behaviour, the more I started to discover about myself and the more I started to learn about me, the more I learned about others.

In fact, ironically, even though we are all different, we are in fact all the same in what we want, which is ultimately to have love and to be happy.  I know we want other things too, but these are quite high on the importance list for most, if not everyone I know, whatever meaning you attach to these words.  You see….. happiness for one means something different to another (there’s that lens again).

In previous roles and through other qualifications I have acquired along my ‘learning’ journey…….learning about talents and what makes people tick absolutely fascinates me.  When I first discovered and unlocked my own unique blend of talents, at first I was bewildered with my highest talent of ‘Learner’.  I rebelled and thought……… “that’s not me, I’m not the type that wants to learn”.

Anyone reading this blog, of course would quickly disagree, but in truth, it was one of my ‘blind spots’ – I attached a ‘meaning’ to the word…… ‘learner’ ……. and since words are our greatest form of architecture, we can all attach meanings to words that differ from one person to another, because we are all weird and wired with our own uniqe set of filters and lenses of the world.

It wasn’t until a coach helped me unlock the meaning that I had attached to the word ‘learner’ that I discovered how ‘learning’ in my world is more about being curious around the subject I am learning about and interested or passionate in and not simply in the academic sense.   I discovered that my ‘learner’ is probably THE MAIN driving force behind finding and unlocking my WHY.

What I discovered, was that this tiny word ‘WHY’ has actually played such a huge and significant part of my life, thoughout my entire life (and the plague of many a person, parent, teacher, friend, family I guess 🙂 ) but that it actually has led me to my life purpose and why I am doing what I do.

When you are using your natural gifts and talents and putting them to use, you find you are really in a FLOW.  You feel fulfilled and you wake up every day wanting to have more.  Every day is a great day and it really doesn’t feel like work at all.

So, when I left the corporate world, I was already running a coaching and business consultancy, and I decided to give myself permission to continue doing what I loved and the results just keep improving every day.

When people used to say to me…..”when are you going to get a proper job”….. I realise now that they are simply displaying and advertising their own ignorance of how we are all wired differently and probably fall into that second set of people who want to do what everyone else is doing……accepting ‘sameness’, ‘doing what the majority are doing’ ……… yet……. probably not asking themselves one very tiny question to help themselves to uncover a whole lot more.

‘Why’ can often get an ‘excuse-type’ response, such as “why don’t you exercise?”  could reply with “because I don’t have time”.    Further layers, when peeled back will discover that there is a WHY behind the WHY.

My Legacy is to help people to find their WHY.  This is how I propose to do it……

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Week 15 – Are you imitating others?

Vain attempts to imitate others will not help display your uniqueness to the world and help you to feel fulfilment.

AUDITIONS ARE BEING HELD TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF – APPLY WITHIN

As long as you hang on to old conditioning that you should be the same as everyone else, your colleagues, your brother, your sister, your friends, the longer you will feel disconnected with who you really are.

When you begin to accept your differences and your unique ways, your talents, the value you bring and the rarity of you, knowing that you are the best equipped in mind and body to accomplish your goals in life, the sooner you will find true fulfillment.

I came to realise a very long time ago, that the stories we hear from others and the stories we tell ourselves, really do shape our world, which is manifested in the results that we get, so on the negative side these might include; excess weight, lack of money, poor health, feelings of insignificance, poor environments, doing unfulfilling work or if our stories are positive ones, we might more likely get good health and wellbeing, more fulfilling work, feeling empowered and significant, valued and strong, great family and friendship realtionships, more wealth and abundance.

If you ever heard someone in your past, tell you that you aren’t good enough and you try to resist and ignore their comments/views and opinions by pushing on and giving something you feared a go, but you make a mistake, you might say to yourself, “yes, it’s true, I should forget it, I’m really not good enough, he/she was right”.  You give up on your dream, your goal simply because you are looking for something or someone outside of you to feel valued.  You go back to being someone you’re not.

The mistake itself creates another story to confirm what you already suspected and heard was true.  It builds more cement, keeping you further stuck.

When I read Og Mandino’s Scroll IV (The Greatest Salesman in the World), I was so happy to read that we share the same belief in that we are all put on this earth not by chance, but for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand.

That’s also feeding my ‘Connectedness’ strength which helps me to know that I am on purpose in the work that I do, forming part of my definite major purpose.

For many people, when considering the questions:

“Why am I here?”

“What is my purpose?”

“Why does it matter?”

What I find is that the majority of people really don’t want to give this much thought and what intrigues me the most is that if people don’t know how to answer these questions for themselves, they can be sure that there will be someone lurking in the background to create the answers for them.

I am intrigued how many people willingly adopt and live by the stories that others plant in their mind, living a life of discord, discontent and disharmony, especially if those stories are negative by nature.

It is only when we take full ownership and responsibility for the results we have and want to accomplish in our lives, living by our own inspired stories, dreams and passions and taking the action steps necessary to empower us, keeping us firmly in control, will we be free to be ourselves.

By living to the opinions and stories of others, is like putting ourselves into a prison – the prison called: (Discord, Discontent and Disharmony).

We won’t know how to get out of a prison if we don’t know we are in one.

So the next time you feel disconnect, discord or dishamony in any area of your life, ask yourself:

Who or what is in control of this situation?

What story am I telling myself?

What story might I be adopting from someone else?

I have come to experience over the last decade or more, that the more I study me, the more I know you and can relate to others, because we are all so very different, yet we are also so very much the same.  Most people want happiness and harmony in our lives at the core.

The more I increase my own knowledge by studying the human mind, human behaviour and human potential, in myself and others, the more I can see an increase in my own results and in the results of those around me.  The practical application of this knowledge bring the rewards.  Knowledge does not apply itself.

Also, we have all been brought up with a host of manners, values and rules to live by.

The more we seek to constantly improve our manners and graces, the more they will become the sugar to attract all the riches we need.

We have been given eyes to see and a mind to think.  When we buy into the power of our perceptions and know that all our problems, discouragement and heartaches are, in truth, great opportunities in disguise, will we no longer be fooled by the garments they wear.  Our eyes will be open.

Difficulties, disharmonies, obstacles, problems and challenges, indicate that we are either refusing to give out what we no longer need, or refusing to accept what we require.  Growth happens when we exchange the old for the new, the good for the better (that’s my maximiser strength talking again).  We cannot obtain what we lack if we tenaciously cling to what we already have.

So, whenever you face new challenges, obstacles or defeat, know that this is a sign you have something new to learn in order to grow into the mountain you were born to be.   Look beyond what you think is there and do not be deceived.  You were born for a purpose and this should help to shape and guide your life.

Nature doesn’t know defeat, it is constantly renewing and growing, no matter how much battering, there is constant room for growth.

Week 14 – You are your greatest asset

YOU are your greatest asset and natures greatest miracle.

Since the beginning of mankind, there has never been another individual with your mind, your heart, your eyes, your hands, your hair, your mouth, your DNA.    Nobody before you, nobody who lives today and nobody who will come tomorrow has the ability to walk and to talk, to move and the think exactly like you.

Even identical twins are born with their own unique blueprint that has never, is never or will ever be repeated…

You are UNIQUE and you are nature’s greatest miracle.

Most of us never take time to acknowledge this and instead of embracing their uniqueness, choose to be like everyone else.

You have been conditioned to feel inadequate and not good enough and often think that if “I only learn this, or do that, then I will have true value, happiness and my life will have meaning”.

Sadly cultures and societies focus so much on improving what is wrong and trying to get better at that, so much so that we don’t even notice the unique opportunities and resources of talent what we have within us.

Although you are part of the animal kingdom, animal rewards will never satisfy you because within you, burns a flame, passed from generations and it’s heat will become a constant irritation to your spirit, spurring you to become better than you are.

This flame could be a flame of dissatisfaction or satisfaction, the choice is yours.

We all must learn how to fan the flame of dissatisfaction and state our uniqueness to the world. Let’s face it, there is no-one who can duplicate your handwriting, produce a child like yours, think like you and, in truth, nobody has the ability to sell like you can.

You are all selling yourself every single day, in every activity you perform, if not to someone in a general conversation, it might be with someone you know, in a meeting, a new encounter, a sales conversation with a buyer, with your loved ones, your partners, your children, and most important of all, you are selling information to yourself every minute of every day.

So, how much of this selling are you buying? How much CRAP have you got stored away inside of you?

It is time to capitalize on your uniqueness and differences, because this is your greatest asset to be promoted.

You are natures’ greatest miracle – a unique creature of nature.

You are RARE and there is great value in rarity, therefore you are VALUABLE, you are the end product of thousands of years of evolution and therefore better equipped in both mind and body than anyone who has come before you.

If you don’t use your unique set of skills, your mind, your heart and your body, it will rot, stagnate and die if you buy into the ‘sales’ you sell to yourself, the stories you sell that you “aren’t good enough”. Take time to put your uniqueness to proper use.

The majority of people become masters at wasting our inner resources, inner potential, dreams and ideas of inspired thought by repressing and ignoring them in the process of sticking to our addictive behaviour of conforming ourselves to “normal”, selling to ourselves a life of mediocrity.

We are using only a small proportion of our brains and flexing only a paltry amount of muscles. We can all increase this a hundred times more from the accomplishments of yesterday, once we make a decision to do so.
Are you satisfied with yesterday’s accomplishments, choices and decisions or are they, in reality, too small to even acknowledge? Can you accomplish even more? Is there more potential within you?

You can accomplish far more than you have now.

Why should a miracle end with your birth?

Why not extend this miracle to the actions and choices of today?

As a strengths coach consultant, it is my mission to help individuals, leaders and teams to unlock their inner talents and resources, which allows them to use their natural talents every day in order to achieve fulfillment.

From a strengths-based perspective, there are 34 talents locked up inside of us, some are dominant, some supporting and some lesser talents (notice, I didn’t say weaknesses).

When we focus on and invest in our dominant and supporting talents, it’s like taking something that is already great and turning it into something that is powerful and purposeful beyond measure.

When you, your manager, your organisation attempts to get you to focus and invest your time, effort and energy and money into training, trying to get you to become better at your lesser talents, it’s like taking something that is poor or below average and turning it into something that is socially accepted of the ‘norm’ or hopefully to get, at best, an acceptable ‘average’ performance from you.  This will not bring you fulfillment and in fact will bring you quite the opposite.

By accepting this improvement method as the conventional way that most of our organisations, education systems, cultures and society adopts, by doing so, you are always ever going to focus on “never being good enough”

As an example, my “Connectedness” talent (my number 2 dominant talent) and the one, I believe that is the part of me that regularly shows up in my life, allowing me to realise that I was not put on this earth by chance and that I am here to fulfil a purpose. This purpose is to not only for me to grow into a mountain myself, but to connect with others, helping others to grow into a mountain too, and not to shrink into a grain of sand.

By AIMING your unique gifts and talents, and deciding to make a choice to CLAIM them as yours, you will then be putting all your efforts into becoming the highest mountain you were put on this earth to be and you will find fulfilment.

I also know that the “Achiever” in me (my number 4 dominant talent) along with my number 1 talent of “learner” and number 5 of “Maximiser” work meticulously together to help me to become the highest mountain by connecting with others, so that I can continue doing the work I love which will continue to encourage me, and will continue to strain my potential even until it cries for mercy. This is the law of growth and with all growth, comes growing pains.

Trying to be normal by doing things you don’t enjoy, but feel you have to do, is like putting you into a straight jacket or a working cubicle, leaving you powerless, unhappy and unfulfilled.

For every ‘effect’ there is a ‘cause’ and when you choose ‘normal’ you are choosing to accept inertia & procrastination into your existence by ignoring your SELF and your passions?

 

 

To free yourself from stagnation, disintegration, rot and depression, you have to start doing NOW what you LOVE to do, otherwise your true skills and talents will stay in your future FOREVER.

There’s more to come in my next blog post on this.

 

Week 13 – The bitter salt of pain

I read an article recently which talked about how people feel the need to ridicule the positive outlook, the ideas, the dreams or the passions that others pursue, in a negative way.  In life you will no doubt have witnessed toxic people who felt the need to ridicule either one of your ideas or another person’s ideas, causing unnecessary pain which can sometimes also jeopardise long term happiness.

In fact – Every individual who ever advanced a new idea, whether Columbus, Darwin, Galileo, Fulton, Emerson, Ford, Wright Brothers – they all brought us great results by their seemingly silly or ridiculous ideas.  They were all subjected to ridicule or even persecution for their ideas by others, and the objections from others simply displayed their ignorance of what is possible – the human potential and the power of the mind to create seemingly impossible phenomena.

If we fear disaster (and as fear is a powerful form of thought), disaster will be the certain results we get, due to our thinking.  This form of ‘thought’ frequently discards the result of many years of hard work, effort and the death of dreams.

I was always curious to know what way did our great ‘thinkers’ accomplished and advanced all their ideas and outcomes that others ridiculed?

They all concentrated their thoughts on what they wanted to achieve and had such a passionate belief that it would be accomplished, never thinking about what others said or how they disagreed with them.  They were steadfast, they put in the proper effort, which brought about the right circumstances to make their dreams become a reality and which others can all benefit from today.  Ironic eh?

Sometimes though, we find that when we get the outcomes we thought we wanted, they don’t have the effect that we expected.  The satisfaction is only temporary, or possibly even a reverse of what we expected.

What then, how then, are we to think in order to get what we really want?

In fact, what everyone wants at our core, it is my belief that everyone is seeking Happiness and Harmony.

If we can be truly happy, we have everything the world can give.  If we are happy with ourselves first, we can also make others happy.

But

We cannot be happy unless we have health, strength, authentic friends, good environments and a sufficient supply of money to not only take care of our essentials but also to provide those comforts and luxuries which we are entitled to have.

Recognition is the first place to bring about any realisation.

This is a story I found this week that might help with any pain….

An aging master grew tired of his apprentice’s complaints. One morning, he sent him to get some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master told him to mix a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it.

“How does it taste?” the master asked.

“Bitter,” said the apprentice.

The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”

“Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.

“No,” said the young man. At this the master sat beside this serious young man, and explained softly,

“The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

As a strengths coach, I really connected this to HARMONY

Harmony – is a great strength to have, and not some wishy washy talent, but those who were born with the ‘harmony talent’ can create balance in their lives which can create happiness too.  I’ve witnessed this with people who have this talent, but only if they recognise the tremendous power of this gift.

Those who are able to easily create harmony and use it well so it becomes a strength, will also find happiness too.

Week 12 – Blurred vision = Blurred results (Cause and effect)

For every effect there is a definite cause.  In the way we know there is bad means we know there must also be good.  If the results you are getting are not what you want, then look at the cause.  This will always come from within.

What are you focussing on?

Success or failure

Good or bad

Right or wrong

Happy or sad

Truth or lies

Real or fake

Clear or fuzzy

Focus or blurry

Winner or Loser

Cause and effect

In life, there are people who see things negatively and others who see things positively. Some people are pessimistic and others are optimistic.

Perspectives are so powerful because perspectives are really ‘pictures’ shown as ‘images’ on the screen of our minds.

But, what makes a winner and what makes a loser?

As I continue to study the mind, human psychology, personal development and through the work with the master keys mastermind alliance, I am forever fascinated by what makes some people more successful than others, what makes winners and losers.  I continue to question what did all the great avatars, entrepreneurs, scientists, artists, poets, inventors all have in common?

The Master Keys system is but one area of study that could definitely give us this knowledge, it’s true, and it can give us all the principles we need that could very easily make anyone a winner – but only IF the principles are actively ‘applied’ and repeated with practise. However, in order to be a winner, “you must first have the knowledge of the power within you, second the courage to dare, and third, the faith to do.

Knowledge alone does NOT apply itself.  We must actively seek to apply the knowledge which consists of fertilising our thoughts with a living purpose.  What we are here to achieve?  What’s our purpose?

In order to lead effectively, we must first learn how to apply knowledge and the application will help us to be a great leader.  That doesn’t mean a leader of others per say, it is to be a role model by leading yourself first.

 

A winners image absolutely always comes from WITHIN and winning results are achieved by applying the seven different laws of the mind, but the vision we want to hold in view in the creative eye of our mind has to be IN FOCUS.

 

 

When you look through the viewfinder of a camera and find that the object isn’t focused properly, the image will be blurred, vague and indistinct.

 

 

When you focus correctly towards the target of what you want to achieve, the image becomes clear and distinct, which is mastered by the power of concentration (not an easy feat for someone who relaxes by doing)!

Unless we concentrate and focus clearly on the object which we have in view (our goals and purpose in life), we get a hazy, indifferent, vague, indistinct and blurred image of our IDEAL and the RESULTS will be in accordance with our mental pictures.

Questions:

Think of your house, you will immediately bring to view a picture of your home and the way it is decorated etc.

If I ask you to think of your car, you can easily bring to your mind a picture of your car, it’s colour etc.  If I ask you to think of an elephant, you immediately bring to view an image of an elephant.

But, if I ask you to think of your mind, you are more than likely going to bring to view a picture of a brain, but this is not your mind.

You cannot actually SEE your mind, and because it’s often referred to as our ‘higher self’ and spiritual therefore in nature, many people, I have found, aren’t interested in exploring about their own minds but are actually very quick to shun those who do.  It’s normally due to ignorance and probably also trying to protect themselves. Knowledge is power if it is applied correctly.

I have found that the vast majority of people actually prefer to live their lives with their current results yet continue to moan about their lack and limitations in what they don’t like, what they haven’t got, what isn’t working and ridiculing others who try, yet doing little or nothing to explore the cause of their results, which always goes back to THOUGHT.  Thoughts are held in your MIND, NOT your brain.  There is a huge difference and all the reservoirs of untapped hidden potential are locked away deep within these reservoirs, if you dare to find them and to step into your winners image.

Our minds are persistently sending us stimulating and upbeat messages to our consciousness, messages that are meant to protect our integrity and wholeness as creative beings.  “You can’t do that, you might get laughed at”.  “You won’t be able to do this in case you fail”.   “Your face isn’t good enough”.  ” Your hair isn’t long enough”.  Blah Blah Blah

This is focussing on FACTS which we use as ‘justifications’ why we don’t take steps forward to become a winner.  They are our old blueprints, keeping us stuck.

Messages coming from the heart always have a complete disregard for FACTS or surrounding circumstances in our lives.

Unfortunately, about 99% of of 100 people misread the signals they are constantly receiving.  Rather than VIEW these images with their inner eye of understanding, and seeing them as truly unique pictures that are packed with power, possibility and promise, the images are considered idle wishes, ridiculous fantasies, or daydreams.

The ability to bring images of the results we want into view, must use our creative mind.  It takes hard work, practise, patience and determination but only winners will make it work through hard work, persistence, determination and to surrender from the old blueprints that have hardened like cement.  Winners will slowly chip away at the cement to free themselves to be the person they want to be.

The results we get in our lives are directly attributed to the law of Cause and Effect.

EFFECTS are RESULTS and the CAUSE of the results lie in our thoughts, which includes:  a crappy job, bad relationship, unhealthy body, sickness, stress, money problems, debt, lack and limitation.

THOUGHT brings us the things we think about and actually brings them nearer, yet we find it difficult to banish FEAR, ANXIETY or DISCOURAGEMENT, all of which are powerful thought forces, and are continually sending the things we desire further away, which often makes it feel like we are taking one step forward and two steps backward.

If we look for the TRUTH, however, we can easily become a WINNER which involves changing the image we hold in our mind of the person we want to become therefore changing the blurred vision and blurred results into crystal clear images of the person we intend to become, and the results we want.

FACTS have never stood in the way of a WINNER.  The FACTS are just old blueprints, keeping us stuck.  The WINNER is the dreamer who understands how to turn their dreams into reality and, in doing so, they create a better, more beautiful world for everyone.

“Don’t give me the facts, give me the truth.  The facts are always changing”

Patricia Shambrook

As we move into the Christmas holiday period, I wish everyone a peaceful time with your family and friends and sending love and hope for your winning year in 2015.

Week 11 – Persist until you succeed

It’s a short post this week.  It’s all about PERSISTENCE to ACCOMPLISH your goals in life.

Even though it’s later than I had intended, to get through this 28 week MKMMA challenge, I made a commitment to continue to write a blog post each week, amongst all the other work which continues to push me out my comfort zone, so as Og Mandino prescribes:

 

 

“I was not delivered into this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins.  I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd.  I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep.  I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.  Let them join the sheep.  The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny” 

“I will persist until I succeed”

“Always taking another step closer.  If that is to no avail, I will take another, and yet another.  In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult”

And…. persistence will ALWAYS win 

Week 10 – The New Year – NEW YOU 7 DAY DIET

Out with the OLD – In with the NEW

Most people are probably already subconsciously gearing up for their annual New Year Diet, following a month of over-consumption and hoping yet again to finally get their bodies into their jeans or hoping for a body that isn’t going to be hiding again behind more baggy clothes next year, but finding themselves failing again at the first hurdle.  WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN…….and why do people keep doing the same old things but expecting some miraculous new result, without changing what really needs to change? 

I always used to wonder why so many people give up so very easily on their goals and I have probably spent the last decade or more in studying and trying to figure out and understand the way the human brain works and human psychology.  My curiosity continues to lead me to some very interesting people, places and areas of study…. But all my learning and understanding, skills, qualifications and experience is only ever as good as putting it all into practise myself, and it’s the practise that gets new results, but practise with persistence to keep going even when things get tough.

As a Strengths Coach, my ‘LEARNER’ is my number 1 strength, and it helps me to figure out success strategies and it doesn’t allow me to ever stop learning so I keep digging and I dig really deep until I find the golden nuggets.  My ‘achiever’ strength keeps ‘doing’ until I get it right.  I love these theme combinations.

The benefits of being in a mastermind community like MKMMA is being part of a community of people who really support each other and hold each other accountable for their actions.  The support network is absolutely pivotal and a critical component of success in any success strategy, and is one of the key steps in a 4-step formula.

I believe there are many reasons why people give up on their goals (including lots and lots of excuses).  It’s often because one of the pieces for the strategy of success is missing and having one of the 4 steps missing is often a major cause of the problem.

I also believe that often the goal itself is to ‘avoid’ something ‘external’ as opposed to ‘gaining’ something ‘internal’.

AVOID or GAIN (we all can choose)

AVOIDING PAIN

In respect of being overweight and the goal of losing weight for example, apart from the fact that no-one really likes to ‘lose’ anything and will often go looking for it again, the real reason behind this goal is often to avoid something painful, i.e. avoid being judged by others and the humiliation this can cause, avoid lacking in confidence, avoid a medical condition from starting, avoid feeling guilty, avoid the ridicule of a partner or loved one, avoid the feeling of embarrassment on airplanes, avoid feeling unhappy and a whole lot more avoidance motivators.

GAINING PLEASURE

Instead of avoiding, what would it be like to think of what you could gain instead, i.e. gain self-confidence, gain self-esteem, gain greater health, gain better relationships with others and with self, gain a greater social life, gain more intimate relationships, gain control and power over your decisions and choices, gain a good LIFE.

HABITS – Are you a slave to good habits or a slave to bad habits?  

Is your goal a vague wish, a desire or a burning desire?

The other big reason why many people fail to accomplish their goals is down to developing BAD HABITS and repeatedly practising them until the habit is formed.  In order to form a new habit, you have to be a slave to good habits and a new habit takes on average 30 days to change, working at it persistently every day.

Good habits are the key to all success, bad habits are the unlocked door to failure. Form good habits and become their slaves, because ANY act, with practise becomes easy and a new and good habit is born.  When an act becomes easy through constant repetition, it becomes a pleasure to perform and if it is a pleasure to perform it is human nature to perform it often.  When you perform it often, it becomes a habit and you become it’s slave and since it is a GOOD HABIT, then this will achieve your goal.

Exercise 

Something powerful happens when you exercise – and I’m not just talking about ‘physical’ exercise, but I’m also talking about ‘mental’ exercise.  Most people focus on ‘physical’ exercise alone but fail to ever invest any effort into ‘mental’ exercise.  When everything begins internally, by a thought, you would think more people would look inwardly, but it’s by far tougher than focussing on something externally, which is probably why many people fail to accomplish their goals in life.

Not only does exercise make you feel great (after the initial burn that is), but it also makes you generate more power in your body.  There is even more untapped power locked in our minds and when we unlock the power within us, the combination is electric.

This week, I have seen me exercising both my body and my mind with more effort than before and I have astounded myself.  I have achieved more in a week than I ever thought possible.  I have generated more work in my business, I have stayed more focussed on my tasks, I have kept on top of mundane tasks that I would normally put off, I have finished my xmas shopping earlier, I have avoided the distraction of meaningless activities that don’t help take me closer to my goals and I have started business planning for next year.

The 4 – Step Success Formula

Of course, there is a lot more to this formula than simply words, but the steps to success are:

Having a DMP (Definite Major Purpose – your goals in life) + PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) + POA (Plan of Action) + MMA (Mastermind Alliance) = SUCCESS

DMP + PMA + POA + MMA = SUCCESS

All of these together, create new neurological pathways in your brain to trigger new psychological triggers that will form new habits.  If you miss one out, the chain will break.

 7 DAY MENTAL DIET (Emmet Fox)

To strengthen your PMA (Positive mental attitude), involves making up your mind to devote ONE WEEK solely to the task of going on a 7 day mental diet (tougher than any physical exercise) and building a new habit of positive thought.  During that week, let everything in life be unimportant as compared with that.  Emmet says, ‘If you can accomplish this, your week will be the most significant week in your life.  Your life might even change’.

When you apply this mental diet, you DO NOT have to change your conditions, the conditions will change spontaneously as a result.

So…….the prescription is:  For seven days, you must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought.  You must observe yourself for a whole week as a cat watches a mouse and you must not under any circumstances allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic or kind.

This includes negative Facebook messages which you see people posting all the time, giving negative opinions on this or that.

This discipline will be so strenuous that it outweighs ANY kind of physical exercise. If you make a false start or even if you do well for 2 or 3 days and then “fall off” the diet, then stop for a few days and start again.  There must be no jumping on and off or saying “I won’t count this one”.  Be true to yourself.

I’m onto round 3 and it’s incredibly challenging – but my number 4 strength (my Achiever) and my number 5 strength (my Maximiser) coupled with my top strength (learner) will make me persist until I succeed.  Thank goodness we all have strengths and natural abilities that help to guide us on our way.

Working on the ‘inside’ is far more fun than working on the ‘outside’ and unlocks much more potential and power to accomplish your goals.

Have fun observing!

Week 9 – What fills your cup of happiness? Let’s break all the rules we learned at school!

The story I’m sharing this week has been adapted from a story that George Reavis
wrote when he was the Assistant Superintendent of the Cincinnati Public Schools in the
1940s and you can find the original Reavis version online.
Many years ago, the animals in the Great Forest decided that they wanted to start a school for all their children.

 

Until that time, it had been the responsibility of the parents to teach their children the skills they needed to know, but the animals in the Great Forest wanted their children to learn from professional teachers. So they organized a school and hired staff.

The teachers met and decided to provide a standardized educational curriculum to their animal students. So they adopted an activity curriculum consisting of swimming, running, flying, and climbing. All the animals took all the subjects – because it was very important to them that no child be left behind. To ensure that students were progressing satisfactorily, standardized achievement tests were administered to all students.
Here’s what happened.

The ducks were excellent in swimming. In fact, the ducks were better than their teacher. But some of the ducks made only passing grades in flying and all of them were very poor in running. Since they were slow in running, they had to stay
after school for remedial running practice, and they had to drop swimming in order to
practice running during their swimming class time. This was kept up until all the ducks’
webbed feet were very sore. And the ducks were so tired, that soon they were only
average in swimming. But average was acceptable in school, so nobody worried about that – except the ducks.

In running, the rabbits started at the top of the class, but they did very poorly in
swimming. Also, the rabbits insisted on hopping around, and the teachers were concerned about their hyperactivity – so they made the rabbits walk everywhere instead of allowing them to run or hop. And the rabbits had to come in early every day for special swimming class. Many of the younger rabbits developed severe fur problems because they were having to spend so much time in the swimming pool.

The squirrels were excellent in climbing and running. In fact, the squirrels were the best students at climbing the standardized tree. But they wanted to fly by first climbing the tree, then spreading their paws, and gliding to the ground. (That’s the way squirrels fly.) But in flying class their teacher made them start on the ground instead of at the treetop, and the squirrels were not mastering the course material. So every day, the squirrels had therapy – a flying therapist took the squirrels into the gym and made them do front-paw exercises to strengthen their muscles so they could learn to fly the right way. The squirrels’ paws hurt so much from this overexertion that some of them only got a C in climbing. Some of the squirrels failed climbing altogether.

 

The eagles were definitely problem children – in climbing class, the eagles beat all the others to the top of the tree, but they insisted on using their own way to get there and were quite stubborn about it. The eagles said that clearly it was the goal that mattered, and that it was quite right for eagles to get to the treetop by flying.

The school psychologist diagnosed them as having oppositional-defiant disorder. (That’s a real diagnosis that some children are given in school.)

A strict behavior modification plan was developed for the eagles.
We can end this story in two ways.

Sad to say, in some schools, we still make squirrel children try to learn to fly by flapping their paws, and punish eagles for being defiant about their right to be themselves.
But happy to say, in some schools we enjoy all children for themselves.

Each squirrel is a perfectly wonderful squirrel. Each rabbit a lovely rabbit whether or not they choose to hop, or skip, or roll, or walk. Each eagle is allowed to be an eagle; and we encourage each duck to swim and swim and swim and not worry about learning to run.

And the moral of the story is:

When we try to make everybody the same, nobody is happy. People can get hurt and their very best gifts can go to waste.

Every one of us has came into the world as a unique and talented individual, gifted with our own goodie bag of talents and strengths – our own unique blueprint that cannot be found replicated anywhere else on the entire planet.  We are all A-mazing at some things and not so good at other things.  WHY on earth, would anyone try to change a person or make them work on being like everyone else?? (parents, this is you, teachers, this is you, guardians, this is you, friends, this is you and there are more who have influenced you in this life)

As a Strengths Coach, with a passion and life-purpose to unlock the often ‘hidden’ talents in people, my belief is that every one of us has come into the world with a birthright to live a life how WE want to live rather than the way Society, Family, Friends, Partners or anyone else TELL us how we SHOULD live.

This story really has spoken volumes to me this week as I continue on with the MKMMA experience and I wanted to share it as it resonates with the message in the master keys this week:

There are only THREE things which can possibly be desired in the “world without” (our external world) and EACH of them can be found in the “world within” (within us)…  The secret of finding them is simply to apply the proper “mechanism” and attach to it the “power” in which EVERY individual has got access to internally.

The three things everyone wants, which are necessary for the highest expression and complete development are:

• Health
• Wealth
• Love

  You will admit that Health is essential – no-one can really be happy if the physical body is in pain.

  Some might not always admit that Wealth is necessary, but all must admit that a sufficient supply at least is necessary, and what’s sufficient for one is considered a painful lack to another.  In the same way that nature has provided not only enough but in abundance, whether wastefully or lavishly, we realise that any lack or limitation is only the limitation which has been made by an artificial method of distribution.

  You will probably admit that Love is the third, or maybe some will say the first essential, necessary to the happiness of mankind.

Those who have found all THREE, Health, Wealth and Love find nothing else which can be added to their cup of happiness.